By Glennys Hyland (2019) Let me start by making a rather bold declaration: Marriage is the ordained plan of God! It was the first institution created by Him and it reflects His image. While there has been plenty of debate surrounding this topic, the Father had a definite plan and purpose in mind for marriage which can be summed up with one statement: To give him glory!Married since 2000, I am the mother of four children and a follower of Christ. I have learned a lot about the role of a wife in a marriage. Like many newlywed couples, My husband and I had an enormous amount of stress in the early years of our marriage. In the beginning, it was very hard. I often wondered, why it was so difficult to live with the man that I loved? Well, the answer to that could be found in my life experiences.
Before I was married, I was a single mother of two children. My life and the lives of my children were in my hands and under my control. I made the decisions - even the bad ones.
Truth be told, I made many mistakes before I was married, but they were my mistakes. It was my life. However, after the wedding ceremony, it became our life. My husband and I were now one. I simply was not ready.
I had no idea of the importance and the values of marriage. I wanted to live the same life after I was married that I did before I was married. I created chaos. It didn't matter what I did or how I did it - it simply didn't work.
But God is a faithful God! He never leaves us. The more I fully surrendered my heart and mind to Christ and to the authority of His word, the more I saw the beauty and purpose of marriage through the Creator of this covenant.
I began to understand the meaning of faithfulness. As a wife, this meant, that I would serve, love, respect and help my husband forever. In other words, we will walk together forever. This mindset shift changed everything for me. It became imperative that I reflect God in everything that I did. It was no longer about “my rights, my desires, or my happiness, but about God’s will and purposes here on Earth.
The following principles are a few of the things that I have personally discovered to be the key to a godly and successful marriage. I hope they bless you as much as they have blessed me.
Principle #1 Submission
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Ephesians 5:21-22The word of God taught me to submit to and to respect my husband. God gave us instructions to follow in our marriage for our benefit. God’s principles and purposes are the only way that marriage works. The more intimacy I had with the Lord, the more I learned to know Him and to love Him because of who He is and not because of what He can do for me or give me. The same thing happened with my husband.
Before I submitted to anyone else, I had to learn how to submit to God. It's Him, through His word, who showed me the things that needed to change within my heart. He renewed my mind and my way of thinking. I humbled myself before Him. I discovered that the more I had His presence, the more I wanted Him and the more my heart changed. Darkness disappeared. Heaviness lifted. The peace that surpasses all understanding was flowing in my mind like a river. My choices began to change. I chose joy. I chose peace. I chose life.
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10My problem wasn't that my husband needed to change. That was between him and God. My problem was my lack of willingness to obey God and to follow the instructions that He gave me through His word. I realized that if I desired to honor God, then I needed to do what He said. Ultimately, if my relationship with God is not strong enough, my relationship with my husband would also be weak. In the end, it is all about dying. Dying to our own flesh. Jesus died for us and we need to die to our flesh in him, so he can live through us. He wants us to know Him, so we can love Him for who He is.
Notice that the word doesn’t say to submit to your husband only if he is good to you….. Or if he helps you around the house...etc., etc." If your husband does not follow the instructions that God gave him as a husband, that’s between him and God. It may affect us tremendously, but we can’t disobey God because of our husband’s behavior or our past. We are responsible for doing our job right regardless of our husband’s obedience or disobedience. Neither can we use this as an excuse for our lack of submission, honor, or respect.
The problem is not that we don’t know how to submit, because we have no problem submitting to our bosses at our jobs. Even when our boss is an unbeliever. We don’t want to lose our jobs, right, so we dutifully submit to their authority? But with our husbands - we resist submission?
Please let me clarify, if your husband or anyone in authority tells you to do something contrary to the word of God - then you must resist that. That’s why we need to know the word of God, to be able to know His will. Recognize good from evil- right from wrong. Second, if your husband is physically abusing you - run to look for help. I’m not encouraging you to let him abuse you.
Principle #2 Completion
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” “So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2:18 and 21-24
The first thing to note about this principle is the intentionality of God. Nothing He created was incidental or by coincidence. Every living thing made in the creation story was done so with a specific purpose in mind. The man, being no different, was to be a reflection of the Father on the earth. For this reason, the man was created first. In so doing, he is the head. However, considering ALL of the attributes of His own nature, God deemed it necessary to draw out and make completely evident to the man his existing soul (mind, will, and emotions). For this reason, woman-kind was created. We are made to be our husband's companions and their helpers. To reflect the parts of himself that would otherwise be hidden.
So why didn't God create woman-Eve, the same way He created man-Adam?
Studies show that the work of the ribs is to support and protect the heart, lungs and other organs. It is also connected to the spine and expands for the breathing of the lungs. My job as a wife ‘rib’ is to make sure my husband is in a happy, pleasant and clean environment. He is encouraged and always supported. God is our example. Before He created mankind, He organized His creation for mankind to live in a beautiful, clean, healthy and organized environment.
God didn't create women the same way He created Adam with the dust of the earth on purpose. He created us from a man's rib so we can become one flesh. As a wife, I need to make sure that my home, regardless of our needs, is a place of joy and comfort. A place my husband can not wait to return to.
Principle #3 Resist Temptation
We will always have temptations. We will always have difficult decisions to make in our marriage and in our individual lives. Adam and Eve saw that the fruit looked good, juicy and delicious, and therefore, they ate it. We are not perfect, but we are called to represent Christ in everything. Everything starts in our own homes and in our own hearts. Jesus was tempted by the devil. He spoke with power and authority to Satan, “It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that comes out of the mouth of God. Do not put the Lord your God to the test. Away from me, Satan! For it is written: Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.” Remember, just as our husbands have many temptations in this world, we also have temptations. We need to trust and pray for one another.
We must trust God and live our lives in His peace. This is one of the many reasons why we as Christians shouldn’t marry an unbeliever. We need the Spirit of the Lord on the inside to help us with our doubts, unbelief and our temptations. It’s hard enough to be happily married to a believer because of our sinful nature, I can’t imagine living with an unbeliever. If you’re married to an unbeliever this word is for you and for all married women to follow.
In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2 by observing your pure and reverent lives. 3 Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. 4 You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 5 This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. 6 For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do. 1Peter 3:1-6
Principle #4 Honor
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Ephesians 5:23This is what our husbands were created for: to be the head. One day in my frustration, I cried and asked God, "Is it possible for a Christian woman to be happy and enjoy her husband?" And He answered me, "Remember when Jesus came into Jerusalem and the people were shouting, 'Hosanna-Hosanna'. The Pharisees told Him to tell those people to be quiet, and Jesus answered, 'If they are quiet the rocks will cry out'. The same in your marriage - if you don't take care of your husband, the rocks will." We must recognize and take notice of his good works and actions. Then we should appreciate and praise him for what he does. I believe that if a man does not find this in his own house, from his own wife, he will feel depressed, miserable and without honor.
One of the biggest excuses that I used to tell myself was, “I don’t trust his abilities.” Then one day, I realized the truth that set me free. If God created this man the way he is and trusted his abilities to be the head of my home, then who am I to not trust or believe that my husband does not have the wisdom to do what God called him to do - lead his family!
We know God by spending time with him, the same is true with our husbands. I learned to value his presence and to enjoy and value his friendship. I learned to trust him and his decisions. Praying together as husband and wife is also very important. However, please do not force your husband to do this. Talk to him first and pray, ask God to put the desire in your husband’s heart and He will. Give it some time. Be patient.
For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh…33 ...and the wife must respect her husband. Genesis 5:31 and 33
Respecting our husbands is God’s command.
Principle #5 Understanding
Thank God for marriage seminars. I learned that God created men to be different than women. Their brains are wired differently. They don’t see things the way that we see things (if they see them at all). What's more, men don’t hear the way we hear. It was a relief to discover that my husband wasn’t trying to be mean to me or offend me, he is just different than me.
For example, when we go to a restaurant, we often order different food. If we enjoy our food, pay, and go home - my husband is happy. He had an awesome time. From his perspective, nothing went wrong. But in my opinion, everything went wrong! He didn’t share his food with me. He didn’t even ask if I wanted to try it. Unless I ask, he won’t think of it. My husband has no problem with sharing his meal with me, but I have to ask. For a long time, I was offended by his inaction, even though it was never his intention. It is easy to fall into negative thinking, particularly when our expectations (albeit uncommunicated) go unmet.
Even in seemingly insignificant situations, it is important to keep the guiding principle found in Philippians 4:8 in mind. It reads Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
We must stay positive in everything. We cannot find joy in our marriage if we are always thinking negatively, assuming wrong, or thinking the worst about our husbands. I encourage you to be the wife of noble character that Proverbs 31:10-31 talks about and be an example for other Christian women to see that God is real.
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| Glennys Hyland |
Glennys Hyland is the co-founder of Move the Earth Ministries. www.Movetheearth.org She has a personal blog encouraging women to grow in their faith and obedience to God’s instruction in their lives. www.meriela.com She is a mother of four children and has been married to Shawn Hyland since 2000. She was born in Honduras and resides in New Jersey, USA.
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