One of those things is being oblivious to your truth. My Oh my, does that ever bug me! Listen, we all have a past. We have all made mistakes. We are all capable of causing insult and injury to a fellow human being. We have to own that for goodness sakes! Making excuses for OUR actions is damaging and offensive and does not lend itself to happy relational contexts on this side of heaven. There has to be an intentional desire to examine our hearts. For it is only in that examination that we see what is really there. The good, bad, and yes the ugly!
A part of my truth is I am a chronic helper. On the surface, this does not seem like such a bad thing. Well, let me tell you, it absolutely is when your helping leads you to marry for the wrong reasons. Lord have mercy! Ready, or not, here comes some truth! Let me preface by saying, it is an absolute fact that woman was created to be the helper for man. However, problems occur and marriages crumble, when you are his only help. At the risk of sounding archaic, I need to make clear that woman was not created to lead a man in a marriage covenant (although many of us have been put in this precarious situation). While I deeply value, female leadership in many other contexts, I have lived with the pain associated with leading my home when male spiritual leadership is lacking. Trying to do everything including being the spiritual head of a home is overwhelming and that was what eventually led to our divorce.
I take full responsibility for that relationship failure because I ignored the word of God. When He says don't be unequally yoked with an unbeliever (2 Cor 6:14) He means it. Doing so will cause you to carry more of the load than you can bear. What you cannot bear (hold up) will eventually fall down.
As a pastoral counselor, I have seen this situation so many times. Most often, the believing wife quipping, "but I thought I could change him". Whew! Words that many a person has lived to regret. My brother and sister, the type of change that is needed to turn a boy into a man or a girl into a woman is beyond our control. That type of transformation is only possible by the power of the Holy Spirit. The last time I checked, you were not Him. Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely no error in desiring marriage, just be sure that both parties are fully committed to sitting on the potter's wheel until they are fit for use. Take it from me, circumventing this process will have painful consequences that will be too difficult to bear.
So wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart, WAIT I say on the LORD! Psalm 27:14
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